Going to Marbella on a hen do this year? You may be tempted to hit up Ocean Club Marbella, the beachside pool made famous by The Only Way is Essex crowd.

But before you spend hundreds of euros reserving a sun bed – yes, hundreds – you might want to reconsider.

Yes, it’s glamorous. Yes, it’s full of beautiful people. Yes, everyone looks like they’re having fun. But is it REALLY worth the hype? Here’s what you’re in for…

16 reasons Ocean Club Marbella is actually the worst

1. Bouncers confiscate all bottled water and food on arrival.

2. The cheapest sun bed you can get is €215.

3. The most expensive is €975.

4. You’re only allowed to enter the pool at waist-height and should NOT, under any circumstance, get your hair wet.

5. It is forbidden to dive bomb.

6. Nobody drinks champagne. Instead it’s used as a weapon to spray people who can’t afford it.

7. Said bottle of champagne is €4,795.

8. Havaianas are scorned.

9. It’s too expensive to eat.

10. The cleaners insist on scrubbing the toilet every single time someone uses it.

11. If you try to sneak in before the cleaner gets to it, you are met with a flurry of disinfectant squirts and a tirade of abuse.

12. The beach is meters away but you’re not allowed onto it.

13. Pecs are bigger than boobs.

14. There’s a drink on the menu that costs €29,500.

15. Men shout ‘Alright darlin’, fancy a shag?’ really loud. All of the time.

16. Our water bill came to €300.

 

The RIDICULOUS price list at Ocean Club Marbella

Ridiculous price list at Ocean Club Marbella.

 

Should I go on? :)

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